Feb 9, 2016

Where I'm At..

..and what I'm dreaming of right now.

Stuck inside during the well-below-freezing weather. Dreaming of being able to go for a walk with my family or take my dog to the bathroom without my fingertips feeling like ice.

Working a job with kids that has SO many frustrations but also gives me the opportunity to watch my son grow up. Dreaming of when I can stay home with my babies. Also, dreaming of what my ideal future job will be whether it's staying home full time or finding a job that I love to do while still being available for my babies.

Sniffling from this cold/crud that I picked up from the 3 hooligans I'm around daily. Dreaming of being able to take the good "drugs" for sickness that won't dry milk up and airing out the sickness from our apartment.

Wondering if it's worth the risk of waking up M and Maverick so I can work out. Dreaming of the day when we have a place to workout in that contains the noise I will inevitably make.

Staring at all the clutter of a messy, lived in apartment. Dreaming of the day when all of our stuff isn't cramped up into a few tiny rooms.

Wishing we were in a place to have another baby right away. Dreaming of the day when all of our babies are a part of our family, however many that may be (*cough* 5 *cough* :P).

Feeling guilty that I don't do as much with Maverick as I should even though he's with me all day. Dreaming of the day where I don't feel the need to compare my baby to other kids/families and just be happy with who he is.

Planning two awesome parties at once. Dreaming of how much fun each party will be but also the sense of relief I will feel when I don't have to plan anymore.

Listening to my stomach growl. Dreaming of the days where my metabolism was fantastic and I could eat whatever, whenever, without feeling like I will regret it.

Watching hair tutorials so I can figure out cute ways to style my newly short hair. Dreaming of having a stylist do my hair every morning because it's a constant struggle of wanting cute hair but not wanting to get out of bed early enough to do it.

Thinking about how much I miss having friends around me all the time. I really miss having friends close by who I could lean on and who would check on me from time to time. It seems like every time I try these days, everyone already has their group of friends and aren't looking to add another. Dreaming of the day when I put myself out there and find my tribe of mom friends.

And the most important of all..
Looking at pictures of my family while they sleep, missing them. Dreaming of the weekend when we will get to play, laugh, and grow as a family.

Where are you at these days?


1 comment:

  1. Wondering if all my career decisions that I based off of my families needs were right. Praying everyday that I can make a tiny difference, that the nightly home cooked meals and dinner at the table will teach us all what family really means. Missing my uniform, the one that shielded me, from me. Yearning to freeze time to take in who my 3 are at this current time. Puberty is approaching, attitudes are growing. Praying I can make her see that loving her own body and who she is-is more valuable then words can express, because -she is not her hair- she is fabulous and beautiful, and real. Letting my fella throw his tiny fits because it means that he is simply that-tiny..simply young and funny and gorgeous and amazing and loving.... Working through his emotions. Watching her have so many characteristics of the little blonde I fell in love with almost 20 years ago. Looking at the little lady that I almost lost, due to the stresses of a job I selfishly couldn't live without. Watching the man I love make sacrifice for my professional growth, because...i..always..want...more. I have to be challenged, questioned, I have the need to prove what I can be, maybe it started with my-be all you can be. Regretting not loving my body while i still had one, wanting to spend time to fix it, but chosing family time instead. Angry at myself because I'm not willing to-miss.
    Working towards clean energy...praying it will help fix this-place. Every second, every minute, every hour...day..week..month..year- just Simply needing my 3 to be near.


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