Feb 24, 2016

Breastfeeding: it isn't always easy

We are coming to the end of breastfeeding and there are definitely mixed emotions on both ends. I'm ready to have my body be mine but I will surely miss those quiet moments where I nourished my baby boy. 

It's been almost two years since I got pregnant and didn't have to worry about someone being dependent on my body for their needs. I feel like I just found out I was pregnant and now we are getting ready for Mav's first birthday next week. I knew before I even got pregnant that I wanted to breastfeed. I hoped to breastfeed for as long as we chose to but I also knew that it might not be for me. 

I was a little heartbroken that our little M&M struggled to breastfeed in the beginning which I feel had a lot to do with how jaundiced he was. We pushed on and after a month, he was eating like a champ! We had another hiccup at 6 months when his dr decided he had "failure to gain" even though he was still gaining just fine. We pushed through and by his 9 month appointment he had jumped way up on the charts. Now at almost 12 months, he's eating more solid food than we ever could have imagined and he's only nursing twice a day for a few minutes at a time before he wants to get up to play.

I asked around to see what the best approach to weaning was as we made the choice to wean at 1 year. I was amazed that even after breastfeeding for a year, I was still getting shamed for wanting to wean by my own choice. Who gives anyone the right to tell another person how to feed their baby? I'm constantly hearing that "breast is best" (I believe it's none of my business how your baby gets fed) but yet even when you do what is supposedly best, you get judgement when you've decided you've had enough. Feed your baby breastmilk from the tap, from a bottle, feed your baby donated breastmilk or formula. Feed your baby in public or private, covered, uncovered, or standing on your head. None of that matters to me as long as you feed your baby with love. 

Breastfeeding was a blessing to us in so many ways! I have fond memories and pictures to look back on some day. I hope to have the chance to breastfeed all of my future children. As long as my babies go to sleep with full tummies and feeling loved, I'll be happy.


Feb 9, 2016

Where I'm At..

..and what I'm dreaming of right now.

Stuck inside during the well-below-freezing weather. Dreaming of being able to go for a walk with my family or take my dog to the bathroom without my fingertips feeling like ice.

Working a job with kids that has SO many frustrations but also gives me the opportunity to watch my son grow up. Dreaming of when I can stay home with my babies. Also, dreaming of what my ideal future job will be whether it's staying home full time or finding a job that I love to do while still being available for my babies.

Sniffling from this cold/crud that I picked up from the 3 hooligans I'm around daily. Dreaming of being able to take the good "drugs" for sickness that won't dry milk up and airing out the sickness from our apartment.

Wondering if it's worth the risk of waking up M and Maverick so I can work out. Dreaming of the day when we have a place to workout in that contains the noise I will inevitably make.

Staring at all the clutter of a messy, lived in apartment. Dreaming of the day when all of our stuff isn't cramped up into a few tiny rooms.

Wishing we were in a place to have another baby right away. Dreaming of the day when all of our babies are a part of our family, however many that may be (*cough* 5 *cough* :P).

Feeling guilty that I don't do as much with Maverick as I should even though he's with me all day. Dreaming of the day where I don't feel the need to compare my baby to other kids/families and just be happy with who he is.

Planning two awesome parties at once. Dreaming of how much fun each party will be but also the sense of relief I will feel when I don't have to plan anymore.

Listening to my stomach growl. Dreaming of the days where my metabolism was fantastic and I could eat whatever, whenever, without feeling like I will regret it.

Watching hair tutorials so I can figure out cute ways to style my newly short hair. Dreaming of having a stylist do my hair every morning because it's a constant struggle of wanting cute hair but not wanting to get out of bed early enough to do it.

Thinking about how much I miss having friends around me all the time. I really miss having friends close by who I could lean on and who would check on me from time to time. It seems like every time I try these days, everyone already has their group of friends and aren't looking to add another. Dreaming of the day when I put myself out there and find my tribe of mom friends.

And the most important of all..
Looking at pictures of my family while they sleep, missing them. Dreaming of the weekend when we will get to play, laugh, and grow as a family.

Where are you at these days?